So yesterday I had a panic attack at work, or what I can at least assume was one
Things were loud in the kitchen, and they usually are, though this time there was more yelling than normal, which I could deal with.
then someone banged on the metal vents. Like when someone is trying to break their way in past a door when they are angry.
I couldn’t breathe, my chest felt too tight, I couldn’t move, I felt scared, I felt tears creeping up and I just wanted to curl into a ball.
I barely was able to choke out that I needed to go outside before I was out the door, sobbing and trying to breathe. No one knew what to do to help me.
I sat outside for I don’t even know how long before I realized that being there wasn’t going to help me calm down. I was antsy, constantly clenching my fists and roughly rolling a pair of plastic gloves that I’d been wearing between my palms.
The Kitchen manager told me to go home, rest, calm down and that if I was up to it, to try working today, but if I wasn’t it’d be okay and that he’d find someone to cover for me. All while as I was getting ready to go, I hear an older woman shriek at him to tell me to force me to work through it and he just went “Fuck no” and then I was gone.
I walked home, and thankfully nothing happened, things were quiet and I just had my music going to block everything out, and I could only really handle soft soundtrack music [Like the beginning part of the Diva Dance song from Fifth Element and a few songs from Dragon age Origins/2]
Once I got home, I sat in the bathroom for a while, just content with how quiet everything was and slowly my breathing started to get back to a reasonable rate, and I climbed into the shower, which helped even further. [running my hands through my hair was so… calming]
then I got to my room and I just sat there, in the dark, ear buds in talking to Dre with no sound.
Today just the thought of going back made me want to curl up and cry.
I think I need to start seeing someone about this type of thing… is that what being triggered by something is like? For a really bad thing?
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