1: I’m a private detective hired to follow you, but you’re endearingly boring and mostly I just like watching you and oops, I sort of find you adorable.
2: You’ve been sketching me for half an hour now, and just shuffled up to hand me the finished product and it’s TERRIBLE but you just wanted an excuse to talk to me.
3: You’ve been typing furiously on your laptop in the library, and have just gone to get a book, so I had a quick look and you’re writing hardcore gay porn and it’s GOOD.
4: I’m at an art exhibit and I just badmouthed the art, because I don’t get it, okay? And it turns out you’re the artist. I’m so sorry, maybe I could get you coffee and you could explain what it was supposed to be?
5: Sorry, this is really weird, but I noticed we have the exact same fandom tattoo, can we just geek out for a moment?
6: You keep buying video tapes from the charity shop I work at. Why do you keep doing that? We sell DVDs. There is a betting pool open on what kind of weirdo you are. I am vaguely concerned. I need answers.
7: We’re the only two people who turned up to an underground gig and it should be awkward, but the band is amazing and you asked me to dance and hey, there’s nobody watching but us.
8: I accidentally ‘liked’ one of your photos on Facebook because it came up under my tagged friend’s name. I’m not a creeper, though I have just spent the last ten minutes trawling through your albums.
9: You live in the apartment next to me. We’re not supposed to have pets, but I KNOW you have a cat. I’ll make you a deal, I won’t tell, if you let me pet it.
10: I’m sure I’ve seen you somewhere before, god, this is really going to bug me, no, don’t go anywhere, I’ll get this, oh damn, do we have mutual friends? OH SHIT YOU’RE ON [insert porn site here].
11: You’re my favourite fanartist and you did fanart of my fic. So I wrote you a fic in return and now you’ve done fanart for that. You like all my selfies and comment on all my text posts and I do the same to you, and erm, you just posted that you’re going to be in my city? Maybe we could meet up?
12: I was walking home after a late shift at work and caught you graffiting a wall. You were going to run away but I stopped you because I want to see the finished piece, and now you’re sort of teaching me as you paint and it’s awesome?
12.5: Okay, we totally got arrested for the graffiti but we’re sharing a cell and you have paint smeared across your cheek and you look adorable and neither of our friends answered our phone calls to bail us out so it looks like we’re here ’til morning.
13: I punched you because I thought you were insulting my friend, but it turns out you know each other and it was an inside joke and I’m so sorry, let me drive you to the hospital?
14: I don’t have my hearing aids in, you don’t know sign language, and we’re stuck in an elevator. Your miming is very funny and adorable though.
15: My friend made me a grindr/tinder profile without me knowing and you liked my profile and then sent me a message which just said ‘Bees?’ and I’m a little confused but intrigued.

friend: how many AU’s you want
me: Just fuck me up