havocados:

basedgaben:

My dad credits this as his favorite photo of me.

When I was younger, I was very socially anxious. I hated crowds, hated attention, hated being up on stage. In preschool there was this little Halloween show that we put on, and man, I did not want to do that shit, let me tell you. All those parents watching me sing some stupid song? Nah, that ain’t me.

But I was forced to, and I was pissed about it. My dad was in the audience, taking pictures and enjoying the show. In that moment, I swear, my tiny four year old was pure rage and resentment. I felt the word “fuck” years before I knew what it was.

My dad pointed the camera at me, and I turned, and I looked. I gave him the look that summed up all the anger, all the absolute fury that was brewing inside me. He says that he had never before seen such a perfect depiction of total and complete hatred. In his four year old son.

To this day whenever I get pissed, he calls me “Buzz Lightyear”.

I felt the word “fuck” years before I knew what it was.

ask-gallows-callibrator:

girlwholovesdragons:

temperamentalheavingheart:

thinkthatthetimehascome:

ianoshea:

jocundasykes:

welcome-foolishmortals:

I HAVEN’T LAUGHED THIS HARD IN THREE YEARS I AM HAVING AN ASTHMA ATTCK

ICH WEINE

The one about the dudes penis being stuck is like a poem

THESE TOOK ME LIKE TEN MINUTES TO GET THROUGH I WAS CRYING AT EACH ONE

this post is terrifyingly funny when your high.

homohotlips69

Holy shit I am dying from laughter

THEY SAID “GETTING FISTED RIGHT NOW” AND ALL THE OTHER PERSON COULD THINK OF WAS HOMO HOT LIPS 
DUDE

221bbarricade:

zanetehaiden:

snow-anne:

king-for-a-vagina:

benedicttcumberbatchh:

carryonmy-assbutt:

sassygayklavierspieler:

fandombarf:

alexander2539:

fandombarf:

There’s a dollar in my g string

THAT IS YOUR D STRING. G IS ALL THE WAY ON MY LEFT.

EXCUSE ME you uncultured swine. That IS my G string. LEFT TO RIGHT IT’S: C G D A ON A CELLO. And if you notice the dollar is wonderfully tucked in my G STRING.
DO NOT DOUBT MY SIX YEARS OF EXPERIENCE.

FUCKING VIOLINISTS

THEY’RE NOT CALLED VIOLINISTS THEY’RE CALLED CELLISTS

IT,WAS THE VIOLINIST THAT THOUGHT IT WAS THE WRONG STRING JESUS CHRIST

This is just one massive train wreck

String players can be a bit high-strung.

y’all need to cellout

We all need to calm down before this gets violin-t