aries: the definition of a fuckboy but they actually have a soul. literally don’t give two shits about the haters and are some of the most loyal friends i’ve ever encountered. have very sudden growth periods. super dedicated to anything they put their mind to. ALSO OH MY GOD SO GOOD WITH THE TONGUE
taurus: very eccentric, don’t really know how to deal with emotions. get flustered easily but it’s kinda cute. dreamy demeanor. will ignore the hell out of u if u fuck them over. are lowkey terrified of everything but will probs never admit that as they have some weird element of ego tied into that.
gemini: really chill people when u get to know them but will scare the shit out of u for like six years if u don’t approach them. do not fucking piss them off as they will butcher yo ass with their tongue and hang u up for the rest of the world to see. probably has daddy issues. writers. really physically attractive and everybody is intimidated as fuck by it. dumb as hell in terms of love and will flirt with you incessantly. REALLY FUCKIN GOOD WITH THEIR HANDS LIKE DAMN.
cancer: big hearts. fuckin adorable little water signs that are likely drowning in a puddle of their own tears. do not know how to fucking flirt to save their lives. their laughs are kooky as hell and i love it. probably smoke weed. u either love ‘em or want to kill them or are in some poorly balanced inbetween.
leo: okay y’all needa settle down a bit. fragile fuckin egos if i’ve ever seen ‘em and react hardcore if u piss them off. pretty over the top with everything. but damn, are some of the most hopelessly romantic motherfuckers i’ve met. will treat you like a fucking god(dess) if u let them. not super good at social cues tbh. good friends to have if u need to be validated. need quality time.
virgo: y’all are lowkey hoes and give no fucks about it and it’s fucking great omfg. despite that, they maintain an endearing innocence and can be childish af when things don’t go their way but will love u until the end of time. great taste in music. super fucking smart but don’t show it off too often.
libra: jesus christ okay i love u guys. super understanding and will always try to see all sides of a situation. probably have been through a lot. aren’t afraid to call u on ur shit and are lowkey emotional shawtys that are still trying to find themselves. make really wonderful parents. get crazy excited over little shit and it’s fucking adorable.
scorpio: don’t fuck with these hoes unless u know urself first. will expose the parts of urself that u didn’t want to see. super gnarly in fights and will love u until the end of time. pretty standoffish and need time alone when emotionally unstable. keep themselves in amazing shape. are the loneliest fucks i know; be kind to them always. are probably in great shape (physically.)
sagittarius: craziest mofos out there. abandon all emotions before going into a situation and can be super impulsive. funny as fuck and always seem to be on another level. push themselves to the limit and usually forget to give themselves a break. ambitious and can get shit done when they need to.
capricorn: talk about a ride or die. y’all are loyal to the grave and are incredible friends. until u get fucked over. will probably make ur enemies’ life a living hell, sometimes over-the-top about it. can be v athletic. good writers/artists. really interested in spirituality and the ethereal realms. u guys know what to do in bed and flirt hard af. also so fucking funny oh my god.
aquarius: amazing friends. probably hate u. easily excitable. space cadets 4 life. rly good with animals and love food but probably restrict their eating habits in one way or another. a paradox in that they are fucking driven as hell to get shit done but give zero fucks at the same time. lowkey kinky af. want to kiss everyone.
pisces: emotional shawtys through and through. physically attractive as hell. not good at romantic relationships. won’t forget about u for a million years. keep their friends close but will push u the fuck away if they get scared. insecure and just want u to stick around.
Tag: Virgo
Grumpy Aries:
-Complains about the weather, the food, anything that gets in their way in that moment
-Rude and 𝐃𝐆𝐀𝐅
-Steam and sparks of fire is their auraGrumpy Taurus:
-HANGRY
-Can’t stand to be uncomfortable
-GruntsGrumpy Gemini:
-Disgruntled face
-Louder voice
-Teasing gets meaner and realerGrumpy Cancer:
-Low-key temper tantrums
-“I’m FINE"
-*give them space*Grumpy Leo:
-Not afraid to say what they 100% feel
-𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘵
-Can get meanGrumpy Virgo:
-Critical meter 120°
-All in the tone
-“NO!”Grumpy Libra:
-EYE ROLL
-*walks away*
-OffensiveGrumpy Scorpio:
-Seconds to rage
-All in the eyes
-F̲o̲a̲m̲i̲n̲g̲ ̲a̲t̲ ̲t̲h̲e̲ ̲m̲o̲u̲t̲h̲Grumpy Sagittarius:
-Snappy
-OVER IT
-Tears of frustration or fist of furyGrumpy Capricorn:
-Silent treatment
-𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘴
-Made a list of why they are mad at you or the worldGrumpy Aquarius:
-“Seriously…. ”
-*crossed arms*
-Stirs the potGrumpy Pisces:
-May ruin your day
-Crazy eyes
-Needs a nap or food or both
Hey guys rb this with ur sign, ur orientation + if you can swim or not, im gay a leo and I cant
the six types of love
eros: a passionate physical & emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment; stereotype of romantic love
leo, libra
ludus: a love that is played as a game or sport; conquest; may have more than one partner at once
aries, sagittarius
storge: an affectionate love that slowly develops on friendship, based on similarity
gemini, taurus
pragma: love driven by the head, not the heart
aquarius, capricorn
mania: obsessive love; experience great emotional highs and lows, very possessive and often jealous lovers
scorpio, cancer
agape: selfless altruistic love; spiritual; soulmates
pisces, virgo
the “insanely driven but also never gets out of bed” squad
Taurus, Cancer, Virgo, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces
The ‘Sarcastic About Everything’ squad
Aries, Cancer, Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn, Aquarius
What the signs need
Aries: a bottle of vodka
Taurus: a sugar daddy
Gemini: some dick tbh
Cancer: fuckboy repellent
Leo: to go on a shopping spree
Virgo: a blunt
Libra: a puppy or kitty
Scorpio: to drop out of school and become a stripper
Sagittarius: two bottles of vodka
Capricorn: their school to burn down
Aquarius: to get their life together tbh
Pisces: better friends
You know the signs are haunted when they say…
Aries: I’m so done with even trying.
Taurus: I can’t keep do this anymore.
Gemini: I don’t know what i should do anymore
Cancer: I’m so alone.
Leo: I hate myself
Virgo: Whatever, I don’t care.
Libra: Who gives a crap.
Scorpio: It’s not worth it anymore
Sagittarius: Everything is stupid.
Capricorn: it’s not important anymore.
Aquarius: I’m just falling apart.
Pisces: I’m so lost.
The signs when tired
Literally no patience. Threatens to cut your throat every 0.5 seconds, then proceeds to cry: Aries, Pisces, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Libra, Scorpio
Stares into the abyss. Laughs at everything. Questions life itself and can’t focus on anything: Taurus, Virgo, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius
Signs telling jokes
Laughs at their own jokes: Taurus, Leo, Sagittarius, Aquarius
Tells fandom jokes: Cancer, Scorpio, Libra, Aries
Tells jokes so punny and cheesy they’re bad: Virgo, Gemini, Pisces, Capricorn