Aries: turned off spellcheck and never looked back
Taurus: “lol fuck canon”
Gemini: would actually be a pretty good writer if they would stop calling characters by their hair color all the damn time
Cancer: can’t imagine a fanfiction where they write their favorite character shagging anyone but their OC
Leo: three words: Throbbing Meat Wand
Vigro: can’t describe anything without writing at least 30 fucking adjectives for the same thing in front of it
Libra: “Ohayo, Snape Sensei,” Harry-kun said blushing, “You are looking Sugoi today, desu.”
Scorpio: solely responsible for their fandom’s Auschwitz AU
Sagittarius: “Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears”
Capricorn: has written 10 different fanfics about their most hated character dying within the past month
Aquarius: writes the most anatomically impossible sex you’ve ever seen
Pisces: “hi this is my first fic sorry i suck at summaries hope you enjoy”
Tag: Virgo
Not-Your-Average Description of the Signs
Aries: You’re not impulsive or hyper at all, are you? You probably just like fucking shit up. Well, good, I do, too. Let’s fuck shit up together.
Taurus: You took the blue pill, yet your head is further up in the clouds than Aquarius. Damn, that’s impressive.
Gemini: You’re more so observant and a listener than the chatterbox you’re made out to be. You only start bantering on and on when you want just as thorough of a reply. And also when you want to impress someone you admire.
Cancer: You can be the most loving human on the planet, but you can also scare the complete shit out of me if you want to. You’re preciously petrifying.
Leo: You have so many interests and hobbies because your personality by itself is boring as fuck. Who gives a shit, though — you’re a hell of a lot more intelligent than the lot of all the assholes around you.
Virgo: You’re really good at manipulating people whilst still making them believe you’re making them do shit that’s in their best interest. That’s not even an insult; please tell me your secret.
Libra: You are real as hell. You don’t have the time to dick around with moronic bullfuck and lies. You’re honest to the point where you’re actually pretty disgusting sometimes, but you manage to somehow make it fucking hilarious.
Scorpio: Why does everyone talk shit about your sign? You possess more emotional and intellectual depth than most people can fathom. You’re also rather inept socially, but you probably aren’t aware of it.
Sagittarius: Your sign is known both for blunt honesty and exaggerating to the point where your story bears no resemblance whatsoever to what actually happened. I like to call these combined conflicting traits “Schrödinger’s bullshit.”
Capricorn: You actually have quite a wit; your humor is just so dry and/or dark that everyone thinks you’re always serious. (Don’t stop. It’s fucking golden, and you should be proud.)
Aquarius: You took the red pill. Well, actually, maybe like three of ’em. You’re not really sure if you’re in the Matrix or Wonderland at this point, but you don’t really give two shits, considering that your (sober) imagination comes up with more bizarre things than this.
Pisces: You have no idea what the hell is even going on right now, yet you’re still regarded by astrologers as the wisest sign, so you’re doing something right. You’re also perpetually fucking tired, and it would probably be a nuisance by now if you weren’t too tired to give a shit.
why the signs are sad
Aries: Is extremely independent so all they know is to pile way too much pressure on themselves. They end up doubting their own abilities and are often never comforted because they’re always perceived as energetic & optimistic.
Taurus: Everyone depends on them because of their trustworthy demeanour. This means they bear the burden of their own and other peoples issues. Because of their stable nature, changes/natural stress can result in crippling anxiety.
Gemini: Is determined to keep up their bubbly façade. They try drown their own issues out with good times & long talks so they’re never alone with their own thoughts. Nobody knows about the internal identity crisis that is destroying them from the inside out.
Cancer: Tearing themselves apart trying to decide what they want in life. They dwell on the past and constantly can’t decide between their resentments and their fears. Theses contradictions often prove to be too hard to handle and make them prone to breakdowns.
Leo: Always worried about what the world thinks of them. They hide it well but they are very sensitive to the slightest comments & their ego is insatiable, often requiring them to over-think things and question themselves. Sadly, Leos value their dignity fiercely and will suffer in silence to keep their pride intact.
Virgo: Their thirst for knowledge and order have them constantly over-analysing every situation. Their brain is always striving for a purpose so without being assured that they are essential to someone, they can be left feeling useless & dejected. Barely anyone can sense their struggles because they are so detached. They appear cold and unapproachable when they are actually afraid of being hurt/rejected.
Libra: Consistently seeking peace and acceptance. They give themselves endlessly trying to make others happy and in the end are left asking who they really are. Because of this, they lack self-confidence and desperately try complete themselves through the approval of others. They’re always tired from trying to prove themselves but just can’t will themselves to stop.
Scorpio: Nearly always misunderstood. This aspect combined with their hesitance to trust leaves them with few people they can confide in. They’re very picky with who knows what about them because they feel secure with full control over a situation. When something goes wrong within their plan, they are intensely anxious over the result and keep their strong fear of failure hidden from everyone. They’re so bottled up that their emotions can hit them like a brick wall at any point, leaving them broken with nobody to talk to.
Sagittarius: Barely ever gets sad. So energetic and enthusiastic that they feel held back by emotional obligations and attachments. They perceive sad spells as wastes of energy and prefer to be seeking knowledge and exploring their world. On the rare occasion they are sad, it’s probably because of another persons selfish actions, still, their hurt won’t last long and they’ll come back learning a lot from the experience.
Capricorn: Constantly tiring themselves out while they try to prove themselves. Underneath their strong, collected exterior is an uninterrupted feeling that they are unworthy. Because they seek structure and approval, they need to be told that they are appreciated to sense the security they seek. Without acknowledgement from people around them they become vulnerable and will only continue to blame themselves.
Aquarius: Seemingly above emotions. They are driven by their intellect and will see things for what they are instead of over-thinking something and unnecessarily making themselves sad. Often, they will take the criticism and disagreements of others personally and with offence but the dejection usually won’t last long. Their biggest weakness is their detachment from others. This can lead to a disregard for other peoples feelings and eventually their own. Can be in denial about their sadness for a long time before they seek help.
Pisces: Has a knack for making things worse for themselves. Their sensitivity and loyalty often has them suffering for the sake of the people they love and leaving themselves no choice but to escape their own problems. Inside, their emotions are often extreme and conflicting so when they finally feel the weight of their issues, the aftermath can be severe. Their escapist ways of self-indulgence and procrastination only serve to amplify their sadness and unless they’re constantly stimulated by their situation, they can dangerously spiral into a routine of self-pity & negligence.
the signs as mass effect characters
aries: the “BAAAAWWWHN” sound that the reapers make
taurus: garrus’s calibrations
gemini: the mako
cancer: khalisah bint sinan al-jilani
leo: shifty looking cow
virgo: blasto
libra: the doomsday prophet on omega
scorpio: the krogan who reads poetry to his gf on illium
sagittarius: conrad verner
capricorn: the elevators on the citadel in me1
aquarius: the biotic god volus
pisces: that turian dancing during thane’s loyalty mission
what makes the signs happy
aries: people listening to them and doing what they say
taurus: not doing anything the entire day except sleep and eat
gemini: being able to talk hours on end about what they like
cancer: feeling like someone’s first option
leo: everyone praising them on something they’re proud of
virgo: feeling needed and competent
libra: having everyone like them
scorpio: finding someone that understands them and doesn’t think they’re insane
sagittarius: feeling like they’re better than everyone
capricorn: being successful/having their hard work pay off
aquarius: being able to show off their intellect
pisces: making someone else happy
The Signs Most to Least Likely to do Their Homework
- Virgo
- Scorpio
- Taurus
- Capricorn
- Cancer
- Leo
- Libra
- Sagittarius
- Gemini
- Aquarius
- Aries
- Pisces
The Signs thoughts
Aries: I’m better than all of you assholes
Taurus: I could eat some cake right now.
Gemini: I’m going to pretend I care about what you just said
Cancer: I need hugs and cookies.
Leo: Fuck u bitch I’m fabulous, bow down to me.
Virgo: You’re all uncultered swines.
Libra: Stop war hug more
Scorpio: I tired of your bullshit, I just wanna sleep
Sagittarius: I wanna fuck your girlfriend
Capricorn: Sex sex sex sex sex sex sex
Aquarius: I’m hot and gay.
Pisces: Fuck my life.
Zodiac Signs as Memes
Aries: Rickrolling (March 29th, 2007)
Taurus: Mmm Whatcha Say (May 19th, 2005)
Gemini: Derp face (May 21st, 2003)
Cancer: I’m in me mum’s car, broom broom (July 21st, 2014)
Leo: Numa numa (August 14th, 2006)
Virgo: Little grey cat (September 17th, 2014)
Libra: I MIGHT boycott bath and body works!! (October 7th, 2014)
Scorpio: Crave that mineral (October 27th, 2014)
Sagittarius: YOLO (November 29, 2011)
Capricorn: I’ve never heard of a George Glass at our sküle (January 15th, 2015)
Aquarius: Sad frog (Pepe) (January 22nd, 2009)
Pisces: Doge (February 23rd, 2010)
the “tags every post with #me” squad
virgo, aquarius, pisces, capricorn, gemini
Me
EXPECTATIONS VS REALITY OF THE ZODIAC SIGNS
Aries Expectation: Fierce ram, will fuck u up, is hella brave
Aries Reality: Is a sheep with oversized horns and was bullied and is trying to overcompensate
Taurus Expectation: Loyal bull
Taurus Reality: Cow that is too lazy to betray you
Gemini Expectation: Super smart, super intelligent, can and will slay you.
Gemini Reality: Has abandonment issues and an identity crisis every month
Cancer Expectation: Mother bear and reliable and strong
Cancer Reality: Emotional wreck
Leo Expectation: Loyal sexy and confident
Leo Reality: Emo lion
Virgo Expectation: Shy smart and organized
Virgo Reality: Always having internal meltdowns
Libra Expectation: Fashionable and friendly and fair
Libra Reality: Really sad that they cannot fix everyone
Scorpio Expectation: Dark mysterious and probably a killer
Scorpio Reality: Really emo that hates everyone and has uncontrollable emotions
Sagittarius Expectation: So wise and majestic
Sagittarius Reality: Makes up everything to compensate for the lack of meaning in their life
Capricorn Expectation: Cool, calm, collected, ambitious
Capricorn Reality: Power starved baby that just wants love
Aquarius Expectation: God
Aquarius Reality: Still God
Pisces Expectation: So cute such anime!!
Pisces Reality: How can I murder ppl without getting my dress dirty